#5 – Novelty Ski Hat

Inventor Constantine Sargentini of Lindenhurst, New York must have been struck with a moment of inspiration when he filed for this patent on June 17, 1985. US Patent #4,601,070 describes a stylish and functional “Novelty Ski Hat” with a little extra touch of style. The wearer of said beanie is imbued with an appearance of having been cranially impaled by a ski pole.

Be warned though, wearing such headwear is tantamount to crying wolf. Once skiiers become desensitized to seeing others whiz by with an aluminum pole firmly embedded into their cranium, what will happen when some powder-lover actually has an unfortunate encounter with a ski pole?

See this patent on Google: http://www.google.com/patents?id=BMk6AAAAEBAJ

#4 Godly Powers

Published US Patent application 2007/0035812 titled “Godly Powers” comes to us from inventor Christopher Anthony Roller in Burnsville, Minnesota.  His application for a patent was filed on July 29, 2005 and according to the first line of his abstract, Chris himself is is a “godly entity”. In claim 8 of his application, Mr. Roller cites David Copperfield as proof that such “Godly Powers” are, in fact, real.

“Chris Roller wants exclusive right to the ethical use and financial gain in the use of godly powers on planet Earth.” Is that too much to ask? Potential licensees of Mr. Roller’s (as yet unpatented) invention will be happy to know that the commission he requires “could range from 0-100% of product price, depending on the product’s value and use”. Regardless, I like it.

Also an interesting read, Roller’s website: http://www.mytrumanshow.com/.

See this document on Google Patent Search: http://www.google.com/patents?id=cdaYAAAAEBAJ

#3 Method for proposing marriage to an individual – Application US2007/0078663

Ryan Thomas Grace of Omaha, Nebraska penned this clever application for a “Method and instrument for proposing marriage to an individual”. Mr. Grace is a patent attorney and came up with this rather “inventive” strategy for proposing to his girlfriend. The application was filed March 3, 2003 and published April 7, 2007.

The abstract reads as follows:

The purpose of this invention is to provide an improved method of proposing marriage to an individual. The method of proposing to an individual generally comprising the steps of meeting the individual; exchanging names with the individual; dating the individual (not necessary); drafting a government document having a proposal to marry the individual incorporated therein; and showing the government document to the individual. The government document may be a patent application. The patent application may claim the method by which the proposor will make a marriage proposal to the individual. The proposor could then use the method claimed in the patent application to propose to the individual. The patent application could be the actual marriage proposal.

The full text of the application is pretty funny and worth a read. Here is the PDF version: Click here

Note: This is not actually a granted patent, but rather a published application for a patent.

Google link: http://www.google.com/patents?id=9z2XAAAAEBAJ

#2 Hydro-Therapeutic Stimulator US Patent #5,920,923

This invention from Penn Jillette, the larger and louder half of Penn & Teller, is bound to make more than half of you happy. He calls it the Jill-Jet. It was issued on July 13, 1999. Enjoy.

The abstract reads as follows;

A spa of a type including a tub for holding water and a user, in particular, a female user. The spa has a seat for supporting the female user in a seated position, a circulation pump having an inlet connected to the tub for drawing water from the tub, and an outlet connected to the tub for discharging the drawn water back to the tub. A discharge nozzle is located within the tub and connected to the outlet, mounted to the seat so that the discharged water from the circulation pump automatically aligns with and is directed to stimulation points of the female user when the female user sits in the seat.

By the way, Penn’s got one in his backyard. Tell your friends.

Google link: http://www.google.com/patents?id=B1cZAAAAEBAJ

Penn Jillette Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penn_Jillette

“It was worth it just to learn some sleight-of-hand.” – Modest Mouse

#1 Shark Protector Suit U.S. Patent #4,833,729

This Shark Protector Suit was patented May 30, 1989 by Nelson C. Fox and Rosetta H. V. G. Fox of St. Georges, Bermuda. Pay extra attention to the razor sharp spikes which will “prevent a shark from clamping its jaws over the wearer”. Also notice posterior flap #8, seemingly for evacuation of fecal matter upon said shark attack.

Google Patents link: http://www.google.com/patents?id=KBE3AAAAEBAJ

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