Donald Scruggs from Chino, CA was granted US Patent 7,631,404 on December 15, 2009 for an “easy” screw-type burial container.

The basic idea is this: the dearly departed is placed into a giant, hollowed out screw and screwed vertically into the ground, thereby eliminating the need for a backhoe as well as taking up less ground space and allowing for more burials per square meter in the cemetery. As seen in Fig. 27, one can even opt for an underwater interment with a little fish or a duck on top of the container. The goal of the invention is to reduce labor costs associated with a burial as well as allowing for burials in areas in of a cemetery that were previously not usable. I wonder if this could be a boon for grave robbers. Seems to me that anything that can be screwed can be unscrewed fairly easily. Wait, do grave robbers even exist anymore?

What do you think? Would you be okay with you or a loved one being buried in a giant screw?

The patent on Google Patents

Imagine, you’re on a beautiful and exotic tropical beach and not one of the dashing specimens surrounding you speaks your language. Your problems are over, dude, if you pick up some of this elite swimwear from inventors Robert Dickey and Ruth Stevens of Cobble Hill, British Columbia, Canada. By mixing and matching differently patterned pieces, the wearer can convey various maritime-inspired messages to other beach-goers who are in the know. Possible messages include: “I am dragging my anchor”, “I will attempt to rescue you with whip and breeches buoy”, “you should be ready to receive my towing hauser”, and even “spaceship is down and requires immediate assistance”. Thanks to these innovative Canucks, you’ll never again be frustrated with a beach language barrier.

US Patent Application Publication 2006/0010556 A1 was filed on 17 August 2005.

Google Patents link

Are journalists often attacked by angry mobs in Japan? Ninjas? There must be some reason why Yoshiro Nakamats of Tokyo decided to invent this combination notepad / brass knuckles. Yoshiro’s application was filed on October 8, 1996 and granted U.S. Patent 5,823,572 on October 20, 1998. From the abstract:

U.S. Patent #6,525,329 describes a method and device for detecting U.S. currency that has been hidden within the walls of a building. The patent was filed on October 1, 2000 by inventor David Berman of Staten Island, NY. This invention could come in handy if you live in an old house, especially one that was lived in by paranoid octogenarians, or others who wouldn’t want to trust their cash to a bank. After some successful treasure hunting within the Bank of Drywall, this device could even pay for itself!

Google Patents

Inventor Constantine Sargentini of Lindenhurst, New York must have been struck with a moment of inspiration when he filed for this patent on June 17, 1985. US Patent #4,601,070 describes a stylish and functional “Novelty Ski Hat” with a little extra touch of style. The wearer of said beanie is imbued with an appearance of having been cranially impaled by a ski pole.

Be warned though, wearing such headwear is tantamount to crying wolf. Once skiiers become desensitized to seeing others whiz by with an aluminum pole firmly embedded into their cranium, what will happen when some powder-lover actually has an unfortunate encounter with a ski pole?

See this patent on Google: http://www.google.com/patents?id=BMk6AAAAEBAJ

Published US Patent application 2007/0035812 titled “Godly Powers” comes to us from inventor Christopher Anthony Roller in Burnsville, Minnesota.  His application for a patent was filed on July 29, 2005 and according to the first line of his abstract, Chris himself is is a “godly entity”. In claim 8 of his application, Mr. Roller cites David Copperfield as proof that such “Godly Powers” are, in fact, real.

“Chris Roller wants exclusive right to the ethical use and financial gain in the use of godly powers on planet Earth.” Is that too much to ask? Potential licensees of Mr. Roller’s (as yet unpatented) invention will be happy to know that the commission he requires “could range from 0-100% of product price, depending on the product’s value and use”. Regardless, I like it.

Also an interesting read, Roller’s website: http://www.mytrumanshow.com/.

See this document on Google Patent Search: http://www.google.com/patents?id=cdaYAAAAEBAJ

Ryan Thomas Grace of Omaha, Nebraska penned this clever application for a “Method and instrument for proposing marriage to an individual”. Mr. Grace is a patent attorney and came up with this rather “inventive” strategy for proposing to his girlfriend. The application was filed March 3, 2003 and published April 7, 2007.

The abstract reads as follows:

The purpose of this invention is to provide an improved method of proposing marriage to an individual. The method of proposing to an individual generally comprising the steps of meeting the individual; exchanging names with the individual; dating the individual (not necessary); drafting a government document having a proposal to marry the individual incorporated therein; and showing the government document to the individual. The government document may be a patent application. The patent application may claim the method by which the proposor will make a marriage proposal to the individual. The proposor could then use the method claimed in the patent application to propose to the individual. The patent application could be the actual marriage proposal.

The full text of the application is pretty funny and worth a read. Here is the PDF version: Click here

Note: This is not actually a granted patent, but rather a published application for a patent.

Google link: http://www.google.com/patents?id=9z2XAAAAEBAJ

The abstract reads as follows;

A spa of a type including a tub for holding water and a user, in particular, a female user. The spa has a seat for supporting the female user in a seated position, a circulation pump having an inlet connected to the tub for drawing water from the tub, and an outlet connected to the tub for discharging the drawn water back to the tub. A discharge nozzle is located within the tub and connected to the outlet, mounted to the seat so that the discharged water from the circulation pump automatically aligns with and is directed to stimulation points of the female user when the female user sits in the seat.

By the way, Penn’s got one in his backyard. Tell your friends.

Google link: http://www.google.com/patents?id=B1cZAAAAEBAJ

Penn Jillette Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penn_Jillette

“It was worth it just to learn some sleight-of-hand.” – Modest Mouse

This Shark Protector Suit was patented May 30, 1989 by Nelson C. Fox and Rosetta H. V. G. Fox of St. Georges, Bermuda. Pay extra attention to the razor sharp spikes which will “prevent a shark from clamping its jaws over the wearer”. Also notice posterior flap #8, seemingly for evacuation of fecal matter upon said shark attack.

Google Patents link: http://www.google.com/patents?id=KBE3AAAAEBAJ

Send your favorite patents to patentsilike@gmail.com.